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June 19, 2011 by markstani

This is the latest piece from my upcoming collection of short stories loosely based around the Olympic sports:

June 28, 2011
Irina Sokolovskaya, Sergey Sokolov
I. SOKOLOVSKAYA/V. Zvonareva 7-6 (7-5) 6-0

THE MODERATOR: Questions, please.

Q. Irina, how does it feel reaching the first Grand Slam semi-final of your career?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Let me answer that. It feel like nothing. Nothing. What is semi-final? Is nothing. Is bullshit.

Q. Irina, it must have been a dream of yours..

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is no dream. Is only nightmare. Is bullshit play. I say her, you play bullshit. You is lazy bitch. You play bullshit.

Q. Irina, how does it feel to hear your father describe your performance in such terms?

IRINA SOKOLOVSKAYA: I respect my father.

Q. Because to most of us here, you played great. Really great. Congratulations, you know. You beat the number three in the world. You bageled her final set, you know. You looked great.

SERGEY SOKOLOV: You is tennis coach?

Q. I’m five decades a tennis writer, Sir.

SERGEY SOKOLOV: You is Bjorn Borg?

Q. I’ve seen Bjorn Borg. I’ve seen Billie-Jean..

SERGEY SOKOLOV: You is fat Bjorn Borg, huh? You is bullshit. You know bullshit.

Q. Mr Sokolov, there have been reports about your training methods. Can you clarify some of the allegations made against you? That you hit her? Have you ever hit your daughter, Mr Sokolov?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Sometimes is only way. Sometimes is for hunger. Bang, you play better. Always, you play better. Is way for win. I don’t care newspapers. Is bullshit.

Q. Have you hit your daughter today, Mr Sokolov? Has he hit you, Irina?
IRINA SOKOLOVSKAYA: I don’t understand.

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Tie-break is bullshit. Tie-break almost lose. Why not? Why not?

Q. The hand gestures you made from the box at the end of the tie-break..


Q. You were threatening to slap your daughter?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: What is score in second set?

Q. Sir, you were threatening to slap your daughter?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: I ask question. What is score in second set.

Q. Mr Sokolov, your daughter played very well in the second set. Your daughter..

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Six love. Six love is score. Is good slap, huh?

Q. Irina, did you see your father making the slap? How did it make you feel? Did it scare you? Inspire you?

IRINA SOKOLOVSKAYA: I want to win for him, sure. I want to win. I play better. I dunno.

Q. Irina, can you talk about your decision to pose for Playboy? It was very controversial. Can you talk about that?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is money. Is tit. So what? Is nothing.

Q. How did it make you feel, Mr Sokolov? How did it make you feel, to see your daughter in Playboy that way?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: You like, huh?

Q. I’m asking you the question, Mr Sokolov.

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is bullshit. Is rape for profit. Snap snap snap. No more pictures. None. I smash camera. I kill you. I kill you for take picture. Is rape for profit. Give money, you take picture. Clothes, no. Okay, give money. Give money, you take picture. Tit, whatever. Tour, is bullshit. Wimbledon, is bullshit. Snap snap snap. No money. I fuck you.

Q. Irina, do you sometimes wish you could just go back to being a normal kid?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is bullshit. I tell you story. Is small town. Is very poor. Is close Chernobyl. Normal kid is freak. Normal kid has two head. Normal kid is die. She play for get out. I hit for get out. Is lazy bitch. Is bad to hit? Is bad to get out? Is bad not have two head, die? We sell house, everything. We leave brother, sisters. She not see mother ten years. Mother is lazy bitch too. We go Miami. We play long time. Hit hit hit. Run run run. I lock in room. Yes, I lock in room. I tell, you go win, or I kill you. You go home. You have two head, you die. She win. All the time, she win.

Q. In the seventh game of the first set there was a pivotal moment when Vera played that backhand slice down the line and you favoured the lob. You know, to most of us watching, that was a rash shot. It inched out and you’re fifteen-thirty on your serve. Do you recall what was going through your mind at that point?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: I tell you. He kill me [laughing]. He kill me.

Q. Mr Sokolov, can you comment on the Tour’s ongoing investigation into your behaviour in Rome? The bomb threat? The injuries to Irina’s opponents? Can you comment on that?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is stupid bitch. Is trip over foot. Other, is bad food. Is shit food. I dunno.

Q. Tests are showing some kind of strong laxative..

SERGEY SOKOLOV: [laughing] Like I say, is shit.

Q. Irina, was it a disappointment to win your first tour title that way? The controversy, the booing? The protestors, you know, over your Playboy shoot? Was it sad for you?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is win. Is shit. Is lesbian shout. Tour is lesbian. All is, how you say, dyke.

Q. Irina, you’ve come a long way in this tournament. You’re causing quite a stir. You’re very beautiful. I’d like to ask you, could you tell us something about yourself? What you like doing in your spare time? Fashion, maybe? What music you like? Do you have a boyfriend?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is smile like dog.

Q. What’s your boyfriend’s name?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: [shouting] I fuck you. I fuck your questions. [to Irina] I fuck your boyfriend. [shapes hand into slap]

THE MODERATOR: Can we get back to today’s match, please. Thank you.

Q. Irina, you’ve got Serena in the semis. Serena’s been pretty unbeatable here in the past. What’s your mental approach to this kind of game? How do you prepare for this kind of challenge?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is in here [taps head]. Is in head.

Q. Your daughter seems scared, Mr Sokolov. Doesn’t that bother you?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Scare is is good. Shit pants is good.

Q. Irina, there’s people here. There’s people who can help. There’s security..

THE MODERATOR: The match, please.

Q. Ideally, maybe, you’d have taken Serena in the final?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is bullshit. Is rig. Is try stop her make final. Is stop her crazy old man. Is happen everywhere. Make draw bad. Maybe I take to dinner, no? [laughing].

Q. Will you be back here for the Olympics next year? Is that the plan?

SERGEY SOKOLOV: I piss on Olympic. Is slave game. Is piece of shit medal. Where is money? I speak Lukashenko. Is president. Is great man. I say him, IOC, Tour, they fuck us. Every day, fuck us up.. [standing, pointing] how you say?




SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is bad word.


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Shit hole. Is fuck us up shit hole. Stop us win medal. I spit on Olympic. I wipe shit hole on Olympic. I do big shit on Olympic. Is proud nation. American, is scared. Is stop us all time. Is tell lies. Lukashenko is bad man. No, no. Is not true. Is great man. Is good friend. Is say me, Sergey, you keep win. You keep fuck them.

THE MODERATOR: Last question.

Q. Irina, we’ve all been admiring the nail varnish you’re wearing. What colour is it? What brand is it? How would you describe it?


SERGEY SOKOLOV: Is blood, no? [laughing]. Is kill blood.

End of transcript

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