Snooker Loopy


May 1, 2011 by markstani

As a kind of tribute to the legendary snooker commentator Ted Lowe, and to mark the culmination of yet another magnificent World Championships, here’s my resolutely non-purist version of the greatest guys to ever play the game:

1 Kirk Stevens
He wore a white waistcoat. He chose a stimulant to match. He made the world semis then walked away. “I was exhausted from fighting all the shit,” he said.

2 Bill Werbeniuk
To combat a medical condition, Werbeniuk drank an average of one pint of lager per frame. He split his trousers in a Crucible match with Dennis Taylor.

3 Alex Higgins
When he wasn’t compiling thrilling breaks, he was heading off down the bookies or head-butting officials. All in a day’s work for the Hurricane.

4 Jimmy White
This pale-faced kid came straight off the pages of a Dickens novel. Was famously denied the world title, mostly by Fagin-like characters called Steve.

5 Ray Reardon
With his oiled-back hair and perfectly perched cigarettes, Reardon was a nicotine-tinted throwback to the sport’s smoke-fugged Working Men’s Club origins.

6 Doug Mountjoy
He was a Welsh mining man to the core. Far more interestingly, his daughter once posed nude for Mayfair. What? Oh, okay then…

7 Silvino Francisco
Went bankrupt. Went to prison for smuggling marijuana. Went to work in his friend’s fish and chip shop in Chesterfield.

8 Quinten Hann
Challenged opponent Andy Hicks to a fight. Admitted playing with a hangover after a dismal loss to Peter Ebdon. Got done for deliberately losing.

9 Tony Knowles
Best known for shafting Steve Davis 10-1 in the 1982 first round. At least, he was until he sold shagging stories to the papers, and was fined for his, er, indiscretions.

10 Tony Drago
Drago once won a match by nine frames to nil in 81 minutes. Prone to angry outbusts, he hurled his cue at the table after an especially bad (and presumably quick) defeat.


One thought on “Snooker Loopy

  1. Anonymous says:

    They now turn up regularly on Big Break (freeview channel Challenge) hosted by Jim Davidson who …. well, let's draw a veil over his indiscretions as well, shall we?)

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